Like if you want to create a place
that says ‘you matter’ then give someone all of your attention
, don’t interrupt, allow them to express their feelings
freely, do what you need to to be free of distraction and at ease
, share the air time equally
and offer 5 times more appreciation
than criticism. That’s six already!
My biggest insight has been about attention. In the Time to Think Foundation course I was paired up and my partner and I had 3 minutes each to talk about anything we wanted. The listeners only role was to put all of their attention on the thinker and not interrupt. At one point my partner looked away to write some notes and I felt like I was being interrupted. My thinking sputtered for a moment.
I notice in workshops that while I warmly greet people as they enter the room I’m looking down to mark them present on the register and so there is no congruence. My words and tone say one thing and my body language says another. It possibly says, you don’t matter and when people feel that, they can’t think well.
So this year I’m going to work on attention. It’s going to be a tough one for me, I don’t do well in long online meetings or webinars, my mind wanders and it’s too easy to be seduced by the number of unread emails ticking up. And then there is the challenge of attention with friends and family, to hold my gaze on their eyes and not interrupt when I’ve got something burning to say.
The thing being of course that this is not as much of a challenge when I’m coaching, so really this year for me is about being a coach in everything I do and for me that is going to start with giving attention.
What are your thoughts on the thinking environment and it’s 10 components? I love them and I’m open for alternative points of view to challenge my independent thinking.
PS: this letter was written on 17/12/20 – I’m taking a proper two week break for Christmas so will respond on 4th January 2021!