You follow they lead
We’re going to look at the last of the coaching principles from Think Like A Coach, your team member leads the conversation, which I have renamed:
You follow, they lead.
Much catchier, right?
In Think Like A Coach I wrote:
“Your desire to help is often so strong that you jump in to solve your team member’s problem before you fully understand what it is. That’s disempowering for them and causes more work for you.
When you use a coach-like style you let your team member lead where the conversation goes so you can find out what’s happening from their perspective.
Letting them lead the conversation also means that the responsibility for the problem stays with them. This, in turn, builds their self-confidence and ability to make decisions without you.”
Choose curious questions
One way you can let your team member lead the conversation is by choosing to ask curious questions that don’t give away what you think they should do.
For example instead of:
Have you thought about asking for the information earlier so you have more time?
Try a curious question like:
In an ideal world what would be happening here?
Curious questions leave it up to your team member to decide where they’ll go in their thinking. This is useful for you because you get an insight into the way they solve problems and you find out more easily what the real challenge for them is.
There’s also another big benefit to using curious questions.
You don’t need to have the answers
What a relief!
I was doing a coaching demonstration in a Think Like A Coach workshop where my willing partner wanted to be coached on a tax issue that might arise from buying a house.
I know nothing about the intricates of tax and I didn’t need to, he had all the knowledge he needed.
My role was to follow by listening and asking curious questions like:
❓What’s the ideal outcome for you?
❓What options do you have?
I asked him to tell me more. I also summarised back what I was hearing which was that none of the options seemed ideal.
As he responded he suddenly realised that the problem wasn’t about tax. His problem, was how to accept a less than ideal solution.
This is what I mean when I say the problem is not the problem. There is usually something underneath and by staying curious and listening, I helped my partner find it.
Give it a go
Over the next two weeks, try one of the curious questions above and see what happens. If you want more there is a bank of them at the back of Think Like A Coach.
Let me know how it goes and send me your thoughts and questions.
PS: Read more about the other two principles:
