On bringing EASE into your conversations

One of my greatest fears in writing these letters every week is that I will run out of things to say. So it was an awesome feeling a couple of weeks ago as I looked up at the 10 Components of a Thinking Environment, developed by Nancy Kline, that are on the wall above my desk.
YUSS!! I can write about one each week for the next 10 weeks and I’m sorted until just before Christmas!
So first up I wanted to talk to you about EASE.
Nancy defines ease as offering freedom from internal rush or urgency.
And what am I feeling right now at 4pm on Saturday, the night before this letter is due to go out at 10am? I can tell you it is anything but freedom from internal rush and urgency.
I have to laugh at myself.
Why on earth have I chosen to start with the very word that was my nemesis for years. The concept that baffled me as to how I could be at ease in a coaching session and not outside it?
Now it’s not easy being at ease when you’re planning a wedding in NZ from the UK, are not feeling fulfilled in your job and so are in the market, or when you decide to go for a promotion, don’t get it and end up being made redundant and have to work out what to do next.
As Nancy says, urgency destroys, ease creates and for me it certainly got in the way of me being resourceful and able to think clearly.
And yet when I was in a coaching session it was like that melted away and I was able to be present with my coachee and focus all my attention on them.
I started to notice that when I’m coaching, the less I am concerned about outcome and instead stay present with the process the better the session goes for both of us.
I see this in Think with Jude as well (and yes the name is a nod to Nancy Kline). When I stopped being concerned about the speed of growth and let it be, space opened up for more opportunities to appear.
And that is what ease is about for me, it’s about suspending judgement about what the outcome could or should be and instead staying in the moment with another, with my business and with myself. It’s about creating a space that says to the other person they matter, where there is no rush or urgency even if time only allows a few minutes.
I think that’s why I was often able to be at ease in a coaching session. It is a finite amount of time that is clear to both me and my coachee and because the boundary of time has been set there is no rush or urgency to get to the next thing.
So my encouragement to you, to bring ease into your conversations, is to first be clear about how much time you have. Make it realistic given the other commitments you have and be firm when it ends. And then allow yourself to focus your attention entirely on the conversation.
Ease creates and you’ll be surprised bu others thinking when urgency and rush are put aside.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on Ease and how to bring it into your conversations.
PS: I know some of you are wondering who is Nancy Kline and what on earth is the Thinking Environment? I promise it will get clearer and clearer as the weeks go by. In a nutshell the thinking environment is the experience we can share with others that allows them to do their best and most freshest thinking. Just incorporating one of the components will transform your conversations and to bring in 10 will result in something amazing.
My thinking for this letter has been influenced by Nancy Kline’s books Time to Think and More Time to Think. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. There is no additional cost to you and I only use affiliate links of products that I use myself.

The Ten Components of The Thinking Environment

Listening with palpable respect and genuine interest, and without interruption

Treating each other as thinking peers; giving equal turns and attention; keeping boundaries and agreements

Offering freedom from internal rush or urgency

Giving courage to go to the cutting edge of ideas by moving beyond internal competition

Incisive Questions™
Removing untrue assumptions that limit our ability to think for ourselves well

Allowing sufficient emotional release to restore thinking

Offering genuine acknowledgement of a person’s qualities; practicing a ratio of 5:1 appreciation to challenge

Supplying the facts; recognising social context; dismantling denial

Welcoming diverse group identities and diversity of thinking

Creating a physical environment that says back to people, ‘You matter’

The Ten Components of The Thinking Environment are the copyright of Nancy Kline of Time to Think
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