One for the podcast lovers
I haven’t had a lot of thinking space this week. A very dear friend of mine has needed my help and support through a very rough week of colliding caring catastrophes, so instead of writing my usual letter I’m instead going to recommend a podcast episode. One that is very relevant to what my friend and many others are going through right now
It’s called “Breaking News Has Broken Us” an episode of the Esther Perel podcast, How’s Work? Esther is a psychotherapist who specialises on the dynamics of modern relation ships and usually the episodes of tyhis podcast are of her doing a one off therapy session with co-founders or colleagues, but this time she is running a session with a 70 person newsroom.
If you’re a coach you will love her short asides to explain her thinking process.
And everyone will resonate with at least one thing she says.
My 12 takeaways from this 50 minute episode were:
Never before have we experienced a complete lack of boundaries – people are literally coming into our bedrooms when they’ve never even been invited into our homes.
Stress as a term is unhelpful, instead you need to break done what you are feeling so you can manage those feelings better. (These umbrella terms from Susan David may helpHow does ‘fine’ feel?)
Self care in a collective crisis is about tapping into the resources of others and joining together to support each other.
We are experiencing unambiguous loss and it’s hard to mourn for something that isn’t fully gone.
We can all benefit from practising tragic optimism – accepting the pain and being positive about the future.
Ask people what life is like for them now rather than pressing on like everything is the same – this helps to build connection (she has some great questions in the episode).
Interdependence is what we should be aiming for. Don’t try doing everything alone – find people that have the same challenge, situation as you and join together.
The reason we’re so tired after a day on screen is that our mirror neurons can’t fire and so our brain works over time to try and connect with whomever is on screen.
Life is in the details.
High achieving people are not so good at patting themselves on the back.
Empathetic resonance allows connection even if we are on screen – eg keep the zoom/teams channel open and work alongside each other, our imaginations are creative enough to fill in the gaps.
The nuclear family idea is f’d – there is no way you can juggle all your responsibilities alone without feeling like you’re failing.
If you loved that podcast you might also like her other one, “Where Shall We Begin”, which is with romantic couples, it’s like you are a fly on the wall in a therapy session!
PS: Weekly check-in – week 13
My concerns about be consistent in 3 things seem to be unfounded. I suppose it helps that one had already become a habit so I was only adding two more and it definitely helps having the visual reminder above my desk.
√ – exercise, any exercise no matter how small. My exercise game is on point but it is true what they say, abs are made in the kitchen so that is my next area of focus.
Elephants – every day I either coach or facilitate I do a 6 minute reflection. This week my reflections uncovered a bias I have about the resourcefulness of some of my clients, shame and defensive are where my head is at right now and it is definitely one for further reflection.
63 – the number of weeks in a row I have published a weekly letter, even if this one was a bit of cheat so I could be fully present for friends – subscribe.
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