Most people are naturally hard on themselves and don’t need your help to tell them what they’ve done wrong. 

What they need is your belief they can get it right. 

When I was at Deloitte I used to lead a Facilitator Development Programme where I was teaching people from the business how to be good facilitators. 

Part of the programme required the participants to deliver a short session and after getting feedback from their peers they’d get feedback from one of the facilitators. 

One participants session was the worst I’d ever seen and as we entered our break out room I could see he knew it too. 

So instead of talking about what had gone wrong I spent our entire 15 minutes talking to him about what had gone well. 

He had: 

 – Solid subject knowledge 
 – Confident body language 
 – Strong eye contact 

So that’s what we focused on. We talked about what he wanted his participants to learn, and how he could build on those three strengths. 

He knew his session wasn’t great and he didn’t need me to tell him that. Instead, by coaching him to apply what he was already doing well, he turned a flat, monotone lecture into an interactive session with clear structure and energy. 

Nancy Kline, author of Time to Think, found in her research that people think best when they receive five times more appreciation than criticism. And it makes sense, right? Do you perform at your best when you feel judged? 

The next day, he delivered his session again—and the difference was night and day. He wasn’t the best in the group by a long shot but I was happy to have him to go out and train our people. 

The takeaway 

If you want your team to grow, start by noticing what they’re doing right. Confidence creates capacity. And most people don’t need more criticism—they need a little belief. 

Till next time 

Jude