Instant confidence in three steps

I wanted to be made redundant but the process filled me with feelings of anxiety and I dreaded going into work.

Each morning my husband would envelop me in a big hug, “Just imagine you’re with me at Hansar and I’m holding your hand”, he’d say to me.

Hansar is a resort in Koi Samui, Thailand that we’ve been to twice. I felt happy and peaceful there while at work I felt ‘on edge’ and fragile.

So I put a picture of the view from our hotel room on my phone.

Image Description : The view over the manicured lawns and gardens to the pool area at Hansar. 

When I felt a wave of anxiety threaten to crush me, I’d look at the picture and the feelings of happiness and peace would wash over me. The anxiety was still lapping at my feet, but it was manageable.

It’s exactly like how a smell can transport us back to our childhood kitchen or a song to our carefree 20’s.

You can use this technique of positive association to spark the emotions you want to feel in a particular moment..

I’m going to use confidence as an example below but you can substitute in any positive emotion you’d like.

Instant confidence in three steps 

Step 1: Think back to a time when you felt at your most confident.

  • What do you most vividly associate with that time?
  • What takes you back there instantly?

It will be something related to your senses of see, hear, smell, touch or taste.

What you’re trying to do here is find the equivalent of my picture of Hansar. Let’s call it your spark for easier reference. You spark can be anything at all:

– A sound
– A song
– A smell
– A texture
– An image
– A piece of clothing

It’s something that reminds you of that time you felt at your most confident.

Step 2: Reinforce the positive association with your spark 

With your spark imagine you’re back in that time and place where you felt most confident.

  • What are you doing?
  • Who else is there with you?
  • Where do you feel your confidence in your body?
  • What is your posture like?
  • What else are you feeling?

Relive all the details of that event until you feel as confident as you can possibly be. The key to the association working is to do this daily, just as my husband did with me, until the association is an instant reaction.

Step 3: Next time you need to feel confident interact with your spark

For example:
– Listen to the song or sounds
– Look at the image, meme or video
– Put on that piece of clothing
– Inhale the scent deeply
– Let the taste stay on your tongue for as long as possible

Go somewhere private if you can so you can do step 2 at the same time.

And take a moment to slow your breathing so your exhale is longer than your inhale. This helps to calm your nervous system.

Click reply and tell me what your positive association is, I’d love to know!

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