The day I realised feedback is just information, and I get to choose what to do with it, was the day it stopped feeling so painful. 

Just kidding. 

Critical feedback still hurts but I now know that I don’t have to act on every piece of feedback I receive. 

I get to decide what to do with it. 

Here are four steps I take when I get critical feedback. They’ll help you deal with it without damaging your reputation or spiralling into overthinking. 

1. Say thanks 
This doesn’t mean you agree with the feedback or plan to act on it. 

It simply shows the other person you heard them and that you respect the effort it took to say something when silence would’ve been easier. 

Acknowledging feedback calmly signals maturity, even if inside you’re thinking, “Nope.” 

2. Sleep on it 
Your brain interprets tough feedback as a threat and shifts into survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. 

In this state, your logical, reasoning brain turns off, just when you need it most, because your body is getting ready to react to the threat. 

If you feel this happening in your body don’t respond right away. Instead, ask to revisit the conversation tomorrow. A night’s sleep can make all the difference in how you see the situation and how you come across. 

3. Phone a friend 
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if feedback is fair or just someone else’s stuff.  

Share what you heard with a friend who you know will be honest with you rather than just validating your feelings and ask for their thoughts.  

4. Understand instead of arguing 
A few years ago, my manager told me some colleagues found me intimidating. 

I wanted names and examples but he didn’t give them because he knew I’d go straight  
into defence mode. And he was right. 

What I did instead, after a good night’s sleep, was to ask questions to explore the perception of me: 

 – What am I doing or saying that gives this impression? 
 – What do you notice when you see me interacting with others? 
 – What’s your experience of working with me? 

People’s perceptions of you are always valid even if your intention is completely different. If you want to shift how you’re perceived, start by understanding why those perceptions exist.